If you’ve spent any time on the internet in the past month, odds are you’ve run across someone posting constant reminders on how many days until pitchers and catchers report. Spring Training is coming, huzzah! Hooray for Grapefruit League Action! (INSERT PLAYER HERE) is feeling great and ready to win a championship!
This is because people every year seem to forget that Spring Training is long, boring, and annoying.
“I’m in the best shape of my life”, we’ll hear countless times. Recently injured players always feel 100%. Guys who have struggled in recent times are looking better than ever. The manager and coaches will tell reporters that players that have never produced are now knocking the cover off the ball. The rarely televised games will see actual MLB players out of the contest by the 5th inning in most cases.
Basically, Spring Training is the month-plus of lies and nonsense leading up to actual baseball in April. If you’re an eternal optimist, incredibly gullible, and/or a reporter getting paid to be in Florida instead of Michigan in February/March, I guess it’s a nice time. For me, though, it’s a month of reading and hearing things reported that I can’t understand any rational human believing.
So instead of the sunshine and puppy dog tails that you’re likely reading everywhere else, let’s flip Two Face’s coin to the other side. What DOOM and GLOOM are waiting for us in the upcoming months?
Let’s examine these nightmares in our Official Pessimist’s Guide to the Detroit Tigers Spring Training!
(Note: Since roughly 80% of the Tigers fanbase seems to have the sense of humor of Bill O’Reilly watching The Daily Show, this is where I must remind everyone that this is mostly for entertainment purposes. Sigh.)