Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Yahoo on Yahoo Says Dumb Things About the Tigers



Hey, everyone! Who wants to read the stupidest thing ever written about the Tigers?

Yeah, I didn’t either. I, for one, have been enjoying Bill Simonson ignoring the Tigers for the past month and not reading the ignorant ramblings of a madman. But Phil Coke’s Brain just HAD to send me a link to an article on Yahoo. It’s about how the Tigers should put Miguel Cabrera on the DL just to see what the rest of the team is made of. If that sounds silly to you, believe me, it’s even worse than it sounds. The fact that "Tigers" is spelled wrong in the headline probably should have been a clue. Thanks to Melissa Heyboer for pointing that out. Read it here, if you want.

Or, just continue on here, as I go through it piece by piece using the eff-word a lot.

Anyone who watches the Detroit Tigers knows that Miguel Cabrera is a generational talent.

Heck, anyone that watches professional baseball knows that.

So why does Jim Leyland persist in playing a clearly injured Cabrera while resting everyone else on the team?

I’m not sure where this statement is coming from. I assume it is coming from out of the author’s ass.

Cabrera received some days off when the injury was at its worst. He had a day off as recent as September 9th against the White Sox (Detroit lost 5-1). In fact, he’s missed twelve games this season, the most since he missed a dozen games in 2010.

Meanwhile, Prince Fielder has played every day. So has Victor Martinez, for the most part. Austin Jackson’s been out there on a daily basis since his early season injury issues. The middle infield duo of Omar Infante and Jose Iglesias have played consistently when able to walk. Torii Hunter gets the occasional day off because he’s older than dirt. Only the platoon positions of catcher and left field really see any daily changes out there.

So who are all these guys that Leyland is resting? Matt Tuiasosopo? Hernan Perez?

The Detroit Tigers organization is only as good as its best player.

Well, four sentences in and we’ve already come to the dumbest thing I’ve read in quite some time. Well done.

If a baseball organization was only as good as its best player, the Angels would be undefeated, if you believe the “Mike Trout for President” crowd.

Sadly, this is not the case in baseball. In baseball, to have a successful team, one must have more than one superstar player. There is something called “pitching” to consider, to go alone with the hitting. Thus, the word, “team”. A bunch of Don Kellys and one really good player wouldn’t get very far. If you don’t believe me, take a trip to Miami and ask Giancarlo Stanton how his year has gone. I’m told there are plenty of seats available at Marlins games for when you visit him.

Jim Leyland knows that. Dave Dombrowski knows that.

No they don’t. Because it isn’t true. You’re a dipshit.

And, I hope, everyone following the team knows this.

Do you? You hope my team's fanbase is ignorant and overly simplistic in their thoughts? Sadly, I think you may be right sometimes.

With that being said, it only makes sense for the 2012 Triple Crown winner to have an extended, mandatory rest, better than the two days off, one day on nonsense that Leyland is peddling.

I must admit to being concerned myself about playing Miguel not long ago. They do tend to run guys into the ground like they did with Inge and Avila in years past. But I’ve since changed my mind on that.

You see, Cabrera’s particular injury isn’t going to heal with a week of rest. He’s going to carry this into the offseason. All an extended period of not playing could do to him right now is make him rusty heading into the postseason. It's too late to give him a couple weeks off.

Secondly, and more important, it hasn’t really slowed him down to the point of concern. When Inge and Avila were playing hurt during playoff pushes, their numbers suffered. Cabrera, while admittedly seeing a dip in power in the past month, is still hitting .316 in the second half. A hobbled Miguel Cabrera is still better than most other hitters in baseball. He can't run. That's it. It's not like he was a speed demon before the injury.

This act of inconsistency should be viewed as a feeble attempt to cover a team's (and manager's) weaknesses, which is why a DL stint is absolutely necessary to gauge the prospects of a World Series contender for not just this season, but for several years after.

This makes zero sense. Let me count the ways.

1. There is no “act of inconsistency”.

2. Any team that sits their best player is going to be weaker. It is not a feeble attempt at anything to want your best player to play when he is still able to, and more importantly, when he wants to.

3. As it relates to this season, it is mid-to-late September. I think everyone with a pulse knows what the Tigers are by now. They are a World Series contender. It has nothing to do with sitting Cabrera down for two weeks and watching Don Kelly ground out to second four times a game as his replacement.

4. I’m trying to see how sitting Cabrera for two weeks and watching Don Kelly or Ramon Santiago play third helps the Tigers gauge their prospects as being a contender several years from now. I imagine that I can’t see this because I’m not a fucking moron.

5. Seriously, what the fuck are you on, man?

Without Cabrera in the lineup the other Tigers have to step up their games.

Oh. You see, when Cabrera is playing, the other Tigers don’t try as hard.

No longer are they allowed to merely try to get on base and let the Big Man do the hard work.
These guys have to drive in the men on base, which has been a huge problem with the Detroit offense this season.


2013 Tigers Players With RISP

Prince Fielder: .287 Avg, 75 RBI
Torii Hunter: .272 Avg, 58 RBI
Omar Infante: .320 Avg, 35 RBI
Austin Jackson: .271 Avg, 36 RBI
Jose Iglesias: .301 Avg, 25 RBI
Victor Martinez: .259 Avg, 62 RBI

Not to mention Jhonny Peralta’s .347 average with RISP and 43 RBI. It looks like he’ll be back for the playoffs, too.

I wouldn’t call this a HUGE problem. The only HUGE problem I know of is that sack of shit Simonson. In reality, the Tigers have scored 5.02 runs per game this year, second in the AL to Boston’s 5.22. Miguel Cabrera is awesome, but he’s not the only guys knocking in runs.

They have to get clutch hits, extra base hits, and manufacture runs with the luxury of Cabrera's enormous aura.

Again, I fail to see how Miguel Cabrera sitting on the bench suddenly activates the “clutch gene” inside Andy Dirks or anyone else’s brain. It’s an asinine idea.

Prince Fielder and Victor Martinez don't seem fazed by the loss of Cabrera;
The loss of Cabrera? The entire premise of this article is supposed to be that the Tigers NEED to lose Cabrera and that he’s playing too much.

if anything, Fielder is producing in the coveted 3-spot in the lineup, and Martinez can't stop hitting since his reemergence after the All Star break.

Prince has batted third in 2 of his 151 games this year. I can only assume this author does not watch Tigers games. There can be no other explanation other than severe mental illness. Seek help immediately.

But everyone else? Well, they need some work.

Get fist-fucked by Mike Tyson.

Alex Avila has been on fire in the second half, hitting .317/.388/.558. Infante continues to rake the ball. Iglesias has maintained his .300 hitting since coming to Detroit, despite being advertised as a Cuban Adam Everett. Jackson and Hunter continue to be a great one-two punch at the top of the order. Only left field has been an offensive problem for this team lately.

So exactly what in the blue hell do they need work on?

Dombrowski needs to take a look at these players and individually grade them on how they produce without Cabrera, and from there he can make judgement calls this offseason about who to resign, who to trade, and who to drop off at the bus station.
Get him, Mike.

You’ve got to be shitting me. You know what, I’ll play along. Cabrera hits third so let’s pick a guy lower in the lineup that will probably never be up with Miggy on base or never be on base with Miggy hitting. Let’s use Infante. He’s a free agent after this year, after all.

When healthy, Omar’s been outstanding this year. He has hit .315/.339/.446 with a WAR of 2.8. He was good after the Tigers picked him up in the Sanchez deal last year, too. Detroit hasn’t felt this comfortable with its second baseman since Placido Polanco’s misshaped head was patrolling out there.

Now say you sit Miguel down for two weeks. In that time, Omar slumps, even though he is in no way affected by Cabrera. You take that particular slump to decide that Omar’s no longer good for the organization and Professor Dombrowski is to give him a F-minus-minus and discard him?

You’re fucking insane.

It's the same basic principle with the pitchers,

Jesus Waterboarding Christ, you’ve got to be kidding me.

but with a slight twist: can these guys give the team a chance to win without a one-man offensive juggernaut scoring a plethora of runs?

Cabrera has 134 RBI. Not 534 RBI. We’ve had almost six months to watch this amazing rotation. You’re telling me that Cabrera resting his boo-boo is going to show us what these pitchers are made of? Is that why Verlander hasn't been as sharp this year? Because Miguel Cabrera is too good?

Good gawd.

And, more interestingly, how does the defense affect the pitcher's stats without Cabrera at the hot corner?

A blindfolded Richard Bernstein could tell you that Miggy isn’t exactly a Gold Glover at third. This is ridiculous.

This would enable the Tigers to realize the true value of his defense,

Cabrera’s value can be measured in defense like Anibal Sanchez’s can be measured in his pickoff move. It’s not really important, you see. It’s not what they’re there for.

and would lead the back towards first base eventually, and potentially acquire a man to field third base for the future.

With full-time DH Victor Martinez under contract for another year and first baseman Prince Fielder for another fifty (estimated), this is a moot point for now. Or “mute” point, as Rod Allen would say. Also, Nick Castellanos is still the third baseman of the future, despite where they have him playing now. Any fool knows that.

It'd also allow Dombrowski to see which pitchers thrive in a challenging scenario like this

What the fuck are we even talking about now? Is there a stat for pitchers that thrive when a team’s best offensive player is injured? No, because that is beyond stupid. I never thought I could find something that would make the ramblings of Craig Monroe seem intelligent in comparison. I stand corrected.

 - the Tigers have a talented, deep rotation, chock-full of players that would garner multiple prospects in a trade.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TRADING THE STARTING PITCHING?

This is insanity.

Lastly, a stint like this puts the spotlight glaringly on manager Jim Leyland.

Um…okay.

Leyland has been praised and maligned during his tenure in Motown, and each rightly so: he helped guide a historically-rich franchise back to respectability, but he has also shown that his Old School ways are often outdated and serve as a hindrance.

Okay, this kind of makes sense. Took long enough. Go on…

With Cabrera missing for a prolonged period of time, every choice Leyland makes will be scrutinized

Have you ever been on Twitter? Leyland can’t scratch his nose without half the fanbase calling him a genius or a moron for it.

 and vastly more important; there will be no Best Hitter in a Generation available to bail out a trailing team,

Yes. It’s important to judge a manager by how well shittier players play for them than their injured counterparts. Leyland cannot suddenly turn Don Kelly into a good hitter. Granted, that isn’t stopping the old fool from trying on a daily fucking basis.

no one to guide an offense and give a spark to a defense.

Wait…did you just say Cabrera wouldn’t be around to spark the defense? 
If Leyland mismanages the bullpen and blows a lead, it's on him to strategize a way back into the game. It's on him to figure out where to place people in a lineup to maximize their abilities. It's on him to guide his team to offensive and defensive strategies to gain and maintain leads.

What does this have to do with Cabrera? If Miggy had a magic wand to override every stupid Leyland decision, I sure as hell hope he would have used it by now. Otherwise, explain Phil Coke still existing on the team.

Basically, with Cabby on the shelf, we're going to have a better idea what to expect in the offseaon.

"Offseason", you mean. And don't call him "Cabby". Only assholes call him "Cabby".

And WHY? What would no Cabrera tell us about a team WITH Cabrera for the postseason?
NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! STUPID! YOU’RE SO STUPID!

We'll know who needs to go, who needs more responsibility, who will be deserving of money, and who can be used to restock a depleted farm system. And, as for this season, wouldn't you feel better having a fully-rested Cabrera ready to annihilate pitchers in the playoffs?

He will not magically be better if you bench him the rest of the way. This has been established. All you will do is throw off his timing. Stop. And stop writing about my baseball team. Forever.

Congrats, everyone. You’ve now finished the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen written on the Tigers. That is a bold statement, I know. But it’s true.

Again, thanks to Phil Coke’s Brain for bringing it to my attention. That prick.

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