Sunday, July 7, 2013

All 30 MLB Teams Ranked By Likability

On this site, especially in the “Fans Guide” posts, I try to make fun of the other MLB teams equally for a laugh. But I think we can all agree that as Tigers fans, we don’t really hate each team the same. Some teams are worse than others…it’s just how it is.

Today, I thought I’d rank all 30 MLB teams in order of likability. If you’re a fan of a team other than Detroit, perhaps you should leave now. Things here just possibly may be slightly biased, based on the viewpoint of a Tigers fan. You’ve been warned.

Okay, here’s each team ranked from the easiest to like down to the team easiest to hate.

1. Detroit Tigers

With Cabrera, Fielder, JV, Max, Torii, AJax, and so on, how can ANYONE justify rooting for another MLB team? Blows my mind. Sure the fanbase consists of a ton of irrational fools, but name me one that doesn’t?

2. Arizona Diamondbacks

Gibby and Trammell in charge? Well played, Arizona. You’re okay in my book.

3. Houston Astros

Biggio and Bagwell are my favorite non-Tigers ever. Plus, you can’t help but feel bad for the franchise in their current state. Beautiful ballpark and a harmless team. I won’t hold the state of Texas against them.

4. Chicago Cubs

Despite the White Sox being there, Chicago’s an amazing city. The Cubs are America’s lovable losers and they have arguably the most beautiful ballpark in the majors. I find it hard to hate the Cubbies.

5. Los Angeles Dodgers

PUIG! PUIG! PUIG! (Also Kemp and Kershaw!)

6. Toronto Blue Jays

Since the AL Central was created, my hatred of the Jays has gone away. I love the city of Toronto, Canadians are usually quite polite, and the Jays always seem to have a group of players I enjoy watching play. Note: Colby Rasmus is not one of them.

7. Pittsburgh Pirates

Sharing the same city with the loathsome Steelers should put the Pirates in the bottom five. So should employing Jason Grilli. But a gorgeous ballpark, Andrew McCutchen, and two decades of them losing have made them a guilty pleasure of mine.

8. Oakland Athletics

Terrible stadium and scary fans. But there’s something about Billy Beane and the different Island of Misfit Toys he assembles every year that makes them hard to hate.

9. Cincinnati Reds

The state of Ohio is the world’s largest Walmart, but Cinci always has a fun group of players that are inoffensive to me. In fact, I’ve quite enjoyed the franchise since Marge Schott disappeared from the planet.

10. Baltimore Orioles

Manny Machado and Chris Davis have made the O’s a fun team to watch. Also, Camden Yards is in my top five ballparks in the league.

11. New York Mets

They live in the shadow of the Yankees and their fans hate Yanks fans. That has to count for something.

12. Colorado Rockies

Remember when MLB tried to make the Rockies into the Tigers NL rival due to the old Red Wings/Avalanche rivalry? Yeah, didn’t work. The Rockies are just there. Nothing good or bad.

13. Milwaukee Brewers

They used to be owned by Bud Selig. But Bernie Brewer and his slide are awesome. Those things cancel each other out.

14. Atlanta Braves

I’m old enough to remember when the Braves were terrible every year, yet they still called themselves “America’s Team”. That still annoys me to this day, despite them having several players I enjoy. Also Georgia is a terrible state to drive through.

15. Seattle Mariners

I consider King Felix to be the best pitcher in the game and a joy to watch, except when he pitches against Detroit. Nice city and a great ballpark, but I remain indifferent to the franchise overall.

16. Tampa Bay Rays

Everyone loves Joe Maddon. But they have the worst fanbase in baseball dropping them to the middle of the pack in likability.

17. Philadelphia Phillies

Philly fans are considered to be the meanest and most heartless in the game. But I still have warm memories of the Dykstra/Kruk/Daulton/Williams team that lost to the Jays in the ’93 World Series. For those of you too young to remember, that was back in the day before John Kruk and Mitch Williams became annoying and insufferable.

18. Kansas City Royals

The first AL Central team to make the list. They haven’t won anything since the 80’s and remain a non-factor despite improved pitching and some nice, young players. The fountains are nice, too. I can’t hate the Royals TOO much.

19. Boston Red Sox

Until 2004, they were the AL’s version of the Cubs. Historic ballpark, decades of not winning, and lots of history. But since they won in ’04, the fanbase has become possibly the most annoying in professional sports (outside of Steelers fans). Only Big Papi’s amazing personality and the charm of Fenway Park keeps them from being in the bottom five.

20. San Diego Padres

They employ Randy Smith. Screw them.

21. St. Louis Cardinals

I don’t understand how they continue to win every year. And yes, I’m still bitter about 2006. And their fans constantly being referred to as the best in baseball is annoying.

22. Miami Marlins

The Fish have won two World Series since Detroit won their last. Also, their owner is the worst in sports. At least now they primarily exist to be the farm club for us and the Jays.

23. Washington Nationals

They used to be the Expos and I still hold that against them. Montreal is basically a French colony located in Canada. Also, Bryce Harper is the biggest douche in the game.

24. San Francisco Giants

I haven’t forgotten last year. Eff them.

25. Texas Rangers

I haven’t forgotten 2011. Eff them. Also, Alexi Ogando’s face tumor and Nelson Cruz’s eyebrows frighten me.

26. Chicago White Sox

Hawk Harrelson.

27. Minnesota Twins

1987 and GAME 163!

/sets couch on fire

28. Cleveland Indians

Fair weather fans. Racist logo. Jason Kipnis. Nick Swisher. Chris Perez. Ohio. I could go on forever. The Indians disgust me.

29. New York Yankees

ESPN’s favorite team is nearly impossible to root for. The obscene payroll and constant drama make them ideal villains for any baseball fan.

30. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

TROUTTROUTTROUTTROUT…ENOUGH. And you’re NOT IN LOS ANGELES, DAMMIT! Also, Jered Weaver is a crybaby punk. And their fans are the worst people in the world. Also Josh Hamilton. And Albert Pujols. And CJ Wilson. And the rally monkey. And…

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