The following is how I imagine a day in the life of Fox Sports Detroit’s Rod Allen.
All meant in good fun, of course.
7:00am: Wake up.
7:01am-7:20am: Morning dump. Muttering “Easy, big fella.”
7:21am-7:40am: Shower. No need to be filthy.
7:41am-8:05am: Breakfast. Cereal. But none of that sugary stuff Mario likes.
8:06am-10:15am: Stare at neighbor’s lawn in disbelief.
10:16am-10:40am: Cops arrive. Explains that he was not staring in neighbor’s windows. Just admiring lawn. Cops explain they’re sick of coming out every day and to please stop.
10:41am-10:55am: Scan Detroit News for mainly Lynn Henning articles. Ignore any articles involving advanced metrics.
10:56am-10:58am: Chuckle at Family Circus cartoon. Remarks “That Jeffy is some kind of smooth.”
10:59am-11:15am: Scan Detroit Free Press mainly for Drew Sharp articles. Ignore any articles involving advanced metrics.
11:16am-11:18am: Chuckle at Marmaduke cartoon. Says “Stop it, Marmaduke.”
11:19am-11:25am: Snack. Cheese.
11:26am-12:50pm: Bother employees at Ace Hardware.
12:51pm-1:00pm: Giggle fit for no particular reason.
1:01pm-1:35pm: Lunch. Rice and beans.
1:36pm-2:05pm: Pick out matching suit and handkerchief for evening’s broadcast.
2:06pm-2:40pm: Watches Tom Ermanski Instructional Video on bunting from the early 90’s. Nods head and claps hands throughout.
2:41pm-2:45pm: Scans Twitter for random tweet from a FSD colleague. Responds with “That’s right!”
2:45pm-2:55pm: Retweets morons asking for birthday retweets.
2:56pm-3:05pm: Snack. Seeds.
3:06pm-3:35pm: Leaves home and heads to ballpark. Smooth jazz on the radio.
3:36pm-3:38pm: Prepare notes for evening’s broadcast.
3:39pm-4:45pm: Bother opposing team’s coaches for nice things to say about their players.
4:46pm-4:55pm: Talk to someone, anyone, that will speak to him at batting practice from the Tigers.
4:56pm-5:10pm: Giggle fit for no particular reason.
5:11pm-5:45pm: Dinner in broadcast booth. Ribeye steaks. (Substitute BBQ if in Kansas City.)
5:46pm-6:00pm: Evening dump. “I see you, doodie.”
6:01-7:00pm: Sit around with occasional spots on Tigers Live.
7:01pm-9:00pm: Call game with Mario.
9:01pm-9:10pm: Silent. In-game nap.
9:11pm-10:15pm: Finish calling game with Mario.
10:16pm-10:35pm: Snack. Cotton candy.
10:36pm-11:10pm: Return home. Tupac on the radio.
11:11pm-11:30pm: Check Twitter. Block anyone that corrects his mistakes from during the game.
11:31pm-11:40pm: Throw darts at dartboard with picture of Kila Ka’aihue in the middle.
11:41pm-12:00am: Conversation about his day with imaginary friend, “Mr. FoxTrax”.
12:01am-12:10am: Giggle fit for no particular reason.
12:11am-6:59am: Sleep. Dreams about bunting and cotton candy.