Monday, May 20, 2013

Hey Dummy, Step Away from the Ledge



During Sunday’s 11-8 loss to the Rangers, many in the Tigers fanbase seemed to have a meltdown. On Twitter, I saw fans attacking each other, attacking the beat writers, dismissing half the roster as the worst major leaguers ever to play, and playing the DOOM game that seems to happen every season during a rough patch. Four different people came up to me today spouting the Panictown rhetoric. Do me and all of us that aren’t clinically insane a favor.

Stop. Now. Act like this isn’t your first season watching baseball. You’re being ridiculous.

We’re 42 games into the 2013 campaign, or just over one-fourth of the way through the regular season. It is a LONG season. There are good times and there are bad times. Guys struggle. Guys streak. That’s the beauty of baseball. It’s a marathon. Not a sprint. I’m not sure if you remember, but the Tigers have won the AL Central the past two seasons. Last year, they even made the World Series. Yay! Do you know what those teams’ records were after 42 games?

2011: 22-20
2012: 20-22

In 2013, they are 23-19. This is their best start of the three years, if you’re mathematically challenged.

Think about that. They are better off now at this point in the season than they were the past two years. How is that possible? I mean, off the top of my head…

-Alex Avila has been dreadful so far.

-Prince Fielder has slumped the past couple weeks.

-Andy Dirks hasn’t shown us much at all after looking so promising last year.

-Austin Jackson is on the DL.

-Victor Martinez is taking much longer than expected to rediscover his old form after rising from the dead.

-Don Kelly has started 14 of 42 games (33%)!!!!!!

-Justin Verlander has yet to be his normal self yet.

-The team didn’t have a closer for nearly the first entire month of the season.

-Brayan Villarreal exists.

-Alburquerque and Rondon’s inability to throw strikes.

-Phil Coke’s inability to be a serviceable MLB pitcher.

All of these things have gone wrong this year. And there they sit at 23-19. And still to come are 13 more games with the pathetic Twins. 16 games with the Royals, who I still doubt are ready to play with the Tigers quite yet. 16 games with the Cleveland Raburns, who are playing way over their heads right now (as they do every May). And there’s 19 games with the White Sox who are awful and have only one more win than the friggin’ Cubs. This is our competition. Not exactly a great group, you know? Once you make the playoffs, anything can happen. Remember the 2006 Cardinals? I sure as hell do.

Plus, we’re still over two months away from the trade deadline. Dave Dombrowski has shown in the past that he’s not afraid to deal prospects for winning in the now.

Without a need for a starting pitcher at the deadline for a change, Dombrowski may not even need to deal the team’s top prospects this year to address the team’s holes. Bullpen help can come cheap from a team looking to cut payroll (looking at you, hopefully, Grant Balfour). A veteran outfielder is sure to be had from a struggling team looking toward the future. And if Victor can’t come out of his funk, you can be sure that they won’t let the DH spot remain a black hole of suck that that did in the past with Delmon Young.

At least I hope not.

The point is, CALM THE FUCK DOWN. It is May 20th. No one is allowed to start shitting their pants and burning down Comerica Park until mid-September. Those are the rules. Respect them.

Otherwise, maybe find a new sport to watch. Baseball may not be for you. I hear soccer’s a beautiful game. Sussman says curling is a riot. Check out lacrosse.

But quit freaking out about baseball until you have a real reason to. Shit happens during a 162 game marathon. Deal with it.

A stupid poop joke Tigers blog shouldn’t be the one to have to tell you that.

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