Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Catfight: Tigers Fans vs Indians Fans

Whenever the Tigers and Indians get together for a series, the fanbases collide. It's a bitter divisional rivalry. They mock each other and each claim to be better fans. My goal today is to take a scientific, unbiased approach to see which truly is the better group. You know me. I'm practically a doctor.

Will it be the Tigers fans or the Tribe’s supporters? Tough call. Let’s have a Catfight.

1. 2013 Home Attendance

Tigers Fans: 704,820 (4th in AL)

Indians Fans: 371,429 (Last in AL)

Advantage: Tigers fans. We could probably quit this thing right now, I think. But no, let’s push on.

2. How about 2012 Attendance?

Tigers Fans: 3,028,033 (5th of 14 in AL)

Indians Fans: 1,603,596 (13th of 14 in AL)

Advantage: Tigers fans. Cleveland rocks, my ass.

3. Common Scene Outside Ballpark
Tigers Fans: 
 Indians Fans:
Advantage: Tigers fans. Eat 'Em Up Guy spreading joy trumps racial wars in Cleveland.

4. Fans’ NFL Team Rooting Interest

Tigers Fans: LOL

Indians Fans: ROTFL

Advantage: Tigers fans. As much of a punchline as the Lions have been, at least they have some skilled players and a glimmer of hope. Cleveland’s best chance at making the playoffs is if every other team in the AFC has their planes crash simultaneously. I suggest both follow my lead and be Bears fans.

5. Fans’ NBA Team Rooting Interest:

Tigers Fans: 
 Indians Fans:

Advantage: Push.

6. Fans’ NHL Rooting Interest:

Tigers Fans:
 Indians Fans:
Advantage: Tigers fans. Hockeytown > N/A by just a bit.

7. Fans Cling to Memories of:

Tigers Fans: 1968, 1984, 2006, Kaline, Tram & Lou, Maggs, HIGGY

Indians Fans: None were alive the last time Cleveland won a title. Instead, they focus on the losses of Lebron, Manny, Thome, etc and their successes after leaving town.

Advantage: Tigers fans. The soundtrack to the city of Cleveland is the “Disintegration” CD by The Cure.

8. Most Popular Among Fans

Tigers Fans: Justin Verlander, Miguel Cabrera

Indians Fans: Terry Francona, (unsure who is on current roster)

Advantage: Tigers fans.

9. Current Team Scapegoat

Tigers Fans: This week? Probably Avila.

Indians Fans: WHY, LEBRON???

Advantage: Tigers fans. Let it go, people. You’d have split, too, if you had any skills or were wanted elsewhere. (You don’t and you’re not.)

10. Silliest Sub-Fan Group of Past Decade

Tigers Fans: Clete’s Cougars

Indians Fans: Grady’s Ladies
Advantage: Push. There are no winners here. The free clinic is busy enough in each town, I imagine.

So, by a score of 8-0-2, the Tigers fans win! Nice!

Biased? Me? Suck a gaggle of dicks, pal. I call it as I see it.

Cleveland sucks. Except for their stadium mustard. That stuff's amazing.

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