Tuesday, April 16, 2013

This Week in Huge Bashing: Parts I, II, and III

Tuesdays during the baseball season are the days where we get the wit and wisdom of Bill Simonson over at mLive. This week is probably his laziest effort to date. It’s around 600 words that say nothing useful, yet he still manages to get his details completely wrong. So since there’s not much point in going through the entire thing, this week I’ll split this piece into three parts.

In part one, we’ll make fun of what Bill got wrong today. In part two, I’ll share with you what Bill had to say about yours truly and Phil Coke’s Brain in the past week. And in part three, I’ll try and explain to you why I even bother with all this.

Part I: Huge Thoughts

In regards to the team’s starting rotation:

The only thing I would do would be to let starters pitching well go deeper into games.

Do you even watch the goddamn ballgames? Or at least check the box scores? Since your last idiotic article:

Sun 4/14: Sanchez, 7 IP, 113 pitches
Sat 4/13: Verlander, 6 IP, 111 pitches
Fri 4/12: Scherzer, 6 IP, 100 pitches
Thr 4/11, Fister, 8 IP, 107 pitches
Wed 4/10 Porcello, 5 IP, 92 pitches
Tue 4/9 Sanchez, 7 IP, 114 pitches

So in the past week, the starter has thrown 100 pitches in five out of six games. The only exception was Porcello, who allowed four earned runs and eight hits in his five innings and was falling apart before being yanked. Yet still, he threw 92 pitches.

How many more pitches do you want them to throw in April when they’re not all fully stretched out yet? 150? 200? The Tigers have a small fortune wrapped up in Verlander and Sanchez alone. They have to be cautious. And even in July, none of these guys other than JV are going to be throwing more than 110-120 pitches a game.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as usual, you’re full of shit and have no idea what you’re talking about.

The other Hugeism I wanted to touch on this week is in regards to the team’s bullpen:

Leyland needs to ride his starters longer until the ugliness settles down in the late innings.

If you repeat a lie, it does not make it true.

The desperate move of pitching Porcello shows that they need help now.

What planet are you living on? Due to the days off in the schedule, Porcello’s turn in the rotation is being skipped this week. This means that he was available in the bullpen, a bullpen that was further weakened by a 12 inning game with the A’s on Friday. What is desperate about getting the guy some work at a time they needed the extra arm? The only desperation is your ongoing crusade to find things about Jim Leyland to complain about.

Is the bullpen a trainwreck so far? Indeed. Coke can’t get righties out. Dotel and Benoit are inconsistent and wild at times. Alburquerque can’t find home plate half the time. Villarreal is awful and needs to be sent down to Toledo. Only Smyly and Downs have impressed.

But none of this has anything to do with Leyland or the starters not throwing enough pitches. If anything, you can blame Dombrowski for not improving the pen and the starters for not being economical in their pitching. I’m not sure exactly how you want Leyland to make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

Since Bill gave us so little this week, I’ve decided to include this next part for poops and giggles.

Part II: Huge Response

After all this time of me attempting to insert a voice of reason into Bill’s nonsense, he sort of responded this week. Shit-starting little scamp that he is, our friend known as Phil Coke’s Brain sent last week’s bit to the Huge Show’s twitter account and mocked him a bit. It seems some others on Twitter joined in on informing Bill of this site’s existence and how full of crap he is. This was the response from Bill or whoever’s running the account:

1. You’d think a hack would know what a hack is. Apparently not.

2. You may be onto something, Huge. Maybe PCB is KGB. Isn’t that right, Phil’s COMMUNIST Brain!?! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?

3. I’ve never tried crack. But if I did, maybe I’d start to understand the reality you reside in where starters throwing 110 pitches are being pulled too early.

1. Jim Leyland has been managing and coaching baseball somewhere for over 40 years. He’s a three time Manager of the Year and in seven seasons in Detroit has taken the Tigers to the World Series twice (and almost a third) after nearly two decades of the team being horrible. So yes, I do respect the man greatly. But I wouldn’t say I love him. I love my family, my baseball team, and hot girls in yoga pants. Leyland? Nah.

I criticize him when I disagree with him, like with the bench players the team chose out of Spring Training this year. He makes me feel homicidal when he bunts with runners on second base. His loyalty to guys like Don Kelly, Brandon Inge, and Ryan Raburn has cost the team in the past. But overall, I think he’s done a good job.

2. Go hot tub? WTF?

3. I think the majority of fans are happy with Leyland’s job performance over the past seven years. Again, two World Series appearances in seven years are pretty good, especially for a franchise that was dead since 1987. The ones I meet that are anti-Leyland are just filled with the exaggerations and outright lies that are fed to them by sports talk radio shitstarters like Billy Boy. Would Huge prefer Phil Garner or Luis Pujols still be around? How about Terry Francona! Lots of people wanted him in Detroit! You know, the guy that’s been hitting Ryan Raburn third in his Indians lineup lately.

The fact is that Bill is a talking head, and a bad one, that needs controversy and must antagonize SOMEONE to seem edgy and be “entertaining”. This creates more listeners/readers that either agree or disagree, yet listen/read and hopefully increase ratings and ad revenue. ESPN has their Baylesses and Cowherds. Talk radio and websites are no different. And there is nothing easier and lazier than picking on a manager to get people riled up. In hindsight, everyone’s a genius and the manager is always the clueless putz. Good for you, Bill. Congrats on being a bottom feeder.

Oh, he wasn’t done. Someone pointed out to him that I used facts to disprove what he was saying. His response?
I find it amusing that Bill’s idea of “facts” is to ignore the actual facts that have been presented. Then, repeat the bullshit. And I think you meant “stay IN the game”, genius.

And the final one:

So, is the message that the only difference between Bill’s opinion and yours or mine is that he gets paid? Does that make him right? Would I be right if I were being paid? Or is he bragging that he gets paid? I IZ CONFUSE CUZ I A DUMB BLOGGER.

I get at least one email a week from people or websites wanting to buy ads on here and I ignore them. I also don’t have the google ads on here that are available by the hosting site of this blog. I do this for fun and to hopefully entertain folks. When I visit sites, I don’t like ads plastered everywhere. So I don’t have them on my site. Would my opinion be more valid if I were collecting money from ads? If I asked everyone to donate a nickel via PayPal for my writing, would THAT make actual facts valid to Bill? If I hosted a radio program called “Rogo’s GINORMOUS Sportz Zoo” would I magically become an expert?

Or is Bill just a halfwit blowhard with a radio show? That’s probably it. Got me there. Good for Bill. HUGE win. Thank goodness I don't get his radio program here...I'd destroy my car stereo with fire.

Nerd Warz on the internet! Lame, I know. But felt compelled to share that with all of you. Believe me, as much as I dish it, I don’t mind taking it in kind. I’m not perfect. But if you’re going to respond, try and do better than “go hot tub”.

Part III: Why Do I Care and/or Do This?

My actual job is in running a chain of sports bars in the Southeast Michigan/Northwest Ohio area. So every day, I talk to sports fans. Being where I am and the fact that I own few articles of clothing that don’t have an Old English D on them, I end up talking Tigers with folks on almost a daily basis. And I’m astounded at the things I hear from them. Opinions are opinions and I can’t help that, for example, there’s a lot of fans out there that love Don Kelly for some weird reason. I worship Bobby Higginson, for crissakes. But it irritates me when people just plain have their facts wrong. And it annoys me further when they tell me that they heard whatever nonsense they’re spouting from sports talk radio or an opinion piece they read online.

TigerSnark, and DesigNate Robertson before it, are primarily meant to be humor blogs about my favorite baseball team. It’s dumb entertainment. But even on a goofy joke blog, I try to have my facts straight and make logical points in my attempted humor. Bill Simonson does the opposite. He, and others like him, makes up bullshit such as the starters being pulled too early (or whatever the day’s topic is) and people buy it without actually checking the facts. Then they parrot it to others. It spreads like a disease. And it drives me insane. Ignorance is not something to be proud of, people.

So yes, this stuff bothers me. I don’t expect every Tigers fan to be a baseball junkie and know what Jhonny Peralta’s OBP is on any given day. And maybe it’s a battle not worth fighting. Every game I attend at Comerica, there’s people more interested in starting the wave than watching the ballgame. And when they’re not doing the wave, they’re asking their neighbor why Brandon Inge isn’t playing. Maybe Huge is perfect for this audience, after all.

But just because there are morons among us doesn’t mean we have to get in line and swallow the same crap they do. I am a baseball junkie. I read as much as I can about the Tigers. There are writers at mLive that I like and respect and I enjoy reading their articles on the team. So on Tuesday when Bill’s latest pile of shit appears, it’s staring me in the face. I can’t ignore it. And I’m going to make fun of it because I feel someone should be telling the truth. If you want to hate Jim Leyland, fine. Just hate him for real reasons instead of made up ones. You know, like STOP BUNTING, ASSHOLE!

Plus, it’s just plain fun to tear Huge’s column apart every week. Keep up the great work, Bill. If you happen to catch this column, thinks for reading. And go fuck yourself.

I’ll be in the hot tub waiting for your next pile of garbage to pop up.

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