Friday, April 19, 2013

The Detroit Tigers Fan's Guide to the 2013 Los Angeles Angels

One should not go into battle with another without first knowing what they are up against. As we journey along during the 2013 baseball season, TigerSnark will take an in depth look at each opponent the Tigers will face. 

Another West Coast series down that Tigers took two out of three games in. Not bad. I'm so used to the trips out there turning into a nightmare. Speaking of nightmares, up next is the LA Angels. Have I mentioned that the Angels are my least favorite baseball team? It's true. There is so much to despise about this franchise. Yet I'll attempt to keep this brief...

Home City: Anaheim, California (Which is 40 miles from Los Angeles. LIARS.)

City Known For: Disneyland, the Ducks hockey team, being in the OC, and NOT BEING LOS ANGELES.

Home Park: Angel Stadium

Field Known For: The artificial rocks in left-center field. Also the breeding ground of an annoying creature known as the “rally monkey”.
Fanbase: Colossal assholes if Halo’s Heaven is an accurate representation of them all.

Formerly: First, they were the Los Angeles Angels, then the California Angels, then the Anaheim Angels, then the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, leading to them coming full circle to the Los Angeles Angels again currently. Stay tuned for any further changes.

Hall of Famers (as Angels): None. (12 Hall of Famers have played for the Angels at some point, though.)

Five Reasons to Hate the Angels: 

1. The whole Carlos Guillen/Jered Weaver incident.
2. The Good Reverend at Halo’s Heaven. Quite the character.
3. The whole “Walt Disney presents the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim” name changing nonsense
4. Introducing the rally monkey to the world
5. The also introduced “thunder sticks” into being a thing.
Best Players: Mike Trout, Albert Pujols, Josh Hamilton (in theory)

Glad They’re Gone: Dan Haren. 3.63 ERA in 10 career starts vs. Detroit. I don't remember ever scoring off of him.

Funniest Offseason Signing: Signed Joe Blanton for 2 years, $15 million. Yes, the Joe Blanton that has had an ERA+ over 100 only once since 2007.

Former Tigers: None.
Most Annoying Angel in History: Jered Weaver. Anyone that thinks that Magglio Ordonez of all people is trying to showboat on them is the biggest moron in MLB history. I hope he breaks his other arm a week after coming off the DL followed by a piano falling on his head. (Note: this picture may not actually be Jered Weaver. Close enough.)

Team Strength: Offense. Trout, Pujols, and Hamilton has the potential to be the scariest trio in baseball when playing their best.

Team Weakness: The starting rotation doesn’t look very imposing this year compared to recent seasons.

Stupidest Name on Roster: Hank Conger

TigerSnark Dictionary Definition for “Conger”: A booger than has been wiped onto a piece of furniture.

Used in a Sentence: “Holy hell, which one of you pricks left this CONGER on the couch?”

Say Something Nice, Jerk: Not this time. I hate everything about the Angels.

2013 Probable Outlook: I picked them to win the AL West and face the Tigers in the ALCS. So far, they’ve crapped the bed out of the gate. But they are way too talented to stay down for long. But if they do, it’ll be hysterical.

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