Monday, March 25, 2013

The Only Possible Explanation for the Vernon Wells Trade

JERRY DIPOTO: (talking into phone) Cash, are you serious? Let me get this straight, one more time, just to make sure I’m getting this right. You want to take Vernon Wells off our hands. And you’re willing to kick in $14 million on the remaining salary?

BRIAN CASHMAN’S VOICE: That’s right, Jerry. Our team has some needs and we believe that we can turn Vernon back into the All Star he was in Toronto. Say the word and we’ll take him. No B.S. here, my friend.

DIPOTO: Okay, my friend. You’ve got a deal!

/hangs up

MATT TUIASOSOPO: (hangs up phone) There. I did it, see? Easy as pie.
DAVE DOMBROWSKI: Hahahahaha! That’s brilliant! Okay, a deal’s a deal. I think we’ll give you a shot.

TUIASOSOPO: Thanks, man. I’ll give it my best every day.

DOMBROWSKI: Sure, whatever. How the hell did you do that?

TUIASOSOPO: Runs in the family, I guess.

DOMBROWSKI: Ooh! Ooh! Now let’s call the Marlins and make them think someone actually wants Juan Pierre!

TUIASOSOPO: I don't know, sir. I don't feel like...

DOMBROWSKI: Do you want Don Kelly’s job or not?

TUIASOSOPO: Sigh. What’s the number?


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