Friday, March 8, 2013

Burning Questions

As someone that devours information on the Tigers on a daily basis because I have no life, I grow more and more disappointed with the Detroit media each day. There are real questions that we, the fans, deserve to have answers to. I’m sick of them asking the wrong questions. Even worse, I’m sick of the boring questions.

I do not need to hear how everyone is in the “best shape of their life”. They are lying. I don’t care if Justin Verlander would look at Danny Worth differently or not if Danny liked to have sex with dudes. Asking about replacing Rondon after just a couple bad innings for the kid is just going to cause unrest in the idiot portion of the fanbase. And I’m sick of them playing “Boston media” and trying to start crap between guys like Dotel and Cabrera. It’s boring and annoying.

We need answers to some REAL questions, dammit. Questions like these:

-How much do the FSD Girls make?


-Why are there three FSD Girls now?

-Was there too much strenuous work for just two of them to handle?

-Where are the bodies of FSD Girl Allison and FSD Other Girl buried?

-Did they die before or after Porcello slept with them?

I may spend entirely too much time worrying about the FSD Girls. Sorry…here’s some questions for the players.

-Does Kyle Lobstein wish he could have played with Playoff Hero Delmon Young?

-How would Verlander feel about having a robot teammate?

-Marry, Fuck, Kill: Henning, Sharp, Albom?

-Is this Cale Iorg’s breakout season?

-Ask Porcello if Chris Hanson is nice in person.

-Train A leaves Chicago at 2:00pm traveling 25 miles per hour. Train B leaves Pittsburgh at 2:30pm traveling 35 miles per hour. If Train A runs over Don Kelly and Train B runs over Brennan Boesch, how awesome would that be?

-Exactly what did Jhonny Peralta do to Lynn Henning’s family?

-Does Quintin Berry believe in fairies?

-Is Jim Leyland really ticklish?

-Try and look at this picture and go at least ten seconds without laughing:
It's impossible. Now how does that picture make you feel?

-Does the addition of Ryan Raburn make the Indians the team to beat in the AL Central?

-Exactly how many minutes does it take for Alex Avila to grow a full beard? Less than 20?

-Who is the oddest looking Tiger and what exactly is it about Andy Dirks that is strangest?

Sorry...I couldn't come up with anything better today. Maybe next week...

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