Monday, December 31, 2012

Why Torii Hunter's Alleged Comments Don't Matter To Me

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope all of you had a wonderful (insert holiday you celebrate in late December). Myself, I’ve had a rough couple weeks. I strained or ripped a muscle in my lower back causing some extreme discomfort and pain for almost a month. Getting older sucks, my twenty-something year old friends out there. You’ll see in your thirties. Then, a week before Christmas, one of my closest friends went into cardiac arrest and we’re still not sure she’s going to survive. That’s been really hard to deal with. I had to spend hundreds of dollars that I shouldn’t have been spending on my ungrateful son in the yearly holiday tradition of trying to buy his love. And Christmas morning, I woke up to find myself being attacked by what I believe to be SARS or bird flu that lasted until late yesterday. December is the worst.

So yes, the launching of TigerSnark hit an unexpected snag the past couple weeks. But before we get back into the groove, I wanted to touch on this Torii Hunter thing. If you missed it, Kevin Baxter of the Los Angeles Times quoted Hunter on the subject of how he would feel to have a gay teammate. Torii’s alleged response was, “For me, as a Christian … I will be uncomfortable because in all my teachings and all my learning, biblically, it’s not right. It will be difficult and uncomfortable.”

Hunter has since released the predictable follow up statement that he was misquoted. “I’m very disappointed in Kevin Baxter’s article in which my quotes and feelings have been misrepresented. He took two completely separate quotes and made them into one quote that does not express how I feel as a Christian or a human being. I have love and respect for all human beings regardless of race, color or sexual orientation. I am not perfect and try hard to live the best life I can and treat all people with respect. If you know me you know that I am not anti-anything and to be portrayed as anti-gay in this article is hurtful and just not true.”

Whatever. I couldn’t possibly care less what Torii Hunter thinks about gays, race, the TV show “Mad Men”, Britney Spears, or anything else. I just don’t think it’s important. All I care about is his performance on the baseball field. Is that wrong? Craig Calcaterra, a writer at NBC Hardball Talk who I greatly respect, thinks that Hunter’s quotes are quite important and Craig makes some good points in his article on it. But I still don’t think it matters for one simple reason.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Happy Holidays

Once again, pesky real life problems are making things difficult to contribute horrible jokes about baseball. My apologies. But I wanted to take time to thank you all for your enthusiasm and support for TigerSnark since I started writing again. As always, you guys rule.

I'm hoping things will calm down again after the holidays. In the mean time, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and all that good stuff.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Stupid Bracketology: Best MLB Team Name

I’ve always been a sucker for anything if you put it into tournament form. And I think I’m far from alone in my silly bracketology-love. Each March, every idiot and their brother suddenly becomes a college basketball expert despite not watching a game all year and filling out their March Madness brackets. Last March at the old home, I even did a 64-person bracket to decide the best Tiger player of all time. Fun was had by all.

So what else can we decide in brackets? How about the best team name in Major League Baseball? Trouble is, there are thirty teams and we need thirty-two to get a full bracket. My simple solution is to bring back the last two teams I can think of that were moved to a new city, the Senators and Expos. That’ll get us to thirty-two and supply a talking point for those of us that are sick of “Do We Trade Rick Porcello For Anything With A Pulse For Some Reason” talk.

I’ll separate by league and go in alphabetical order by city.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Translating Tuesday's #AskDave Chat

Tigers General Manager David Dombrowski participated in a Q & A via the team’s Twitter account Tuesday afternoon. He answered several softball questions from fans and the answers didn’t reveal much that we didn’t already know.

Unless you read between the lines.

The following is the transcript of the Q & A, but I’ve added in the unspoken words behind his answers in case you couldn’t understand them yourself. You’re welcome.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Why Does Lynn Henning Hate Jhonny Peralta?

Jhonny Peralta is not a perfect baseball player. And last year was a down season for him, as he hit .239/.305/.384 with only 13 homers and 63 RBI. He still managed to put up a 0.8 WAR after 2011’s better than expected 3.5. And he still has some pop in his bat, catches everything hit near him despite somewhat limited range, and is a good teammate. He is reasonably priced and there’s nothing obviously better on the free agent market.

So why does Detroit News writer Lynn Henning seem to hate the guy so much? I tend to like Henning more than most Tiger fans and find his 15 year old emo girl Twitter rants entertaining, most of the time. But he can’t seem to resist crapping on Jhonny Peralta on a near daily basis. Meanwhile, he talks about Danny Worth like he’s Sparky Anderson gushing about Chris Pittaro.

There has to be a reason for this. I’ve racked my thimble-sized brain for what the motive could be and have come up with several possible answers.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Top Five: Tiger Starting Pitchers

Last week, I listed off my five least liked Tiger starting pitchers since I was introduced to the game. Today, I’m going to the opposite side of the coin and list off my five personal favorites.

As always with these lists, it’s a matter of personal taste with no rhyme or reason to it. These just happen to be the guys I have rooted for the most and look most fondly upon when I think about the team. And considering the long stretch between Morris and Verlander before we had a decent starter in the D, the choices were quite limited.

It’s sad that we were forced to be excited to have a washed up Hideo Nomo for a while. Anyhoo…

Thursday, December 6, 2012

The Super Agent Makes His Pitch

JACK ZDURIENCIK: Yes, bartender, I’ll take another Irish coffee. Dave, what can I get for you?
DAVE DOMBROWSKI: Appletini, please. And save the jokes before I have to start on the obvious Seattle/coffee ones, okay?

ZDURIENCIK: Sure, pal. Let’s get down to business. As you know, we’re looking to add some pop to our outfield.

DOMBROWSKI: Obviously. That Jason Bay deal you made was a real…hahahaha…

ZDURIENCIK: Shut up. Damn whiskey. Anyway, we’re considering offering you a deal for Brennan Bo…

DOMBROWSKI: Done. We’ll take it.

ZDURIENCIK: But I haven’t told you the deal yet.

DOMBROWSKI: That’s okay. Crippled Single-A prospect, one of Ichiro’s old uniforms, a grande expresso from Starbucks…whatever you think is fair.

ZDURIENCIK: Well, I’m not so sure now.

DOMBROWSKI: No takesy backsies! We have a deal!

ZDURIENCIK: We didn’t shake on it.

DOMBROWSKI: Nuh uh! Doesn’t matter! We…

/door to bar explodes open

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Bottom Five: Tiger Starting Pitchers

The winter months now have us staring into the abyss that is the MLB offseason. Not a lot happens, unless you enjoy the constant rumors that swirl around the ballclub that seem to be made up by bored sportswriters half the time. And rather than address every idiotic gossip story that may or may not have actual legitimacy, I thought I’d spend the next few weeks exploring the past a bit.

I’ll be going position by position across the baseball diamond and giving you my five favorite and five least favorite Tigers that I’ve seen play the game of baseball at each spot. Feel free to share yours, if you want. When it comes to listing personal favorites, rhyme or reason often tends to go out the window. Many times it doesn’t make a lot of sense who you enjoy or detest watching play the game. That’s why I think it’s a fun topic to discuss.

We’ll start this science experiment off with my five least favorite starting pitchers since I became a fan in 1985.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Mitch Albom is the Worst

I have a confession to make.

I didn’t plan on coming back to making doodie jokes about the Tigers until around Spring Training. The offseason, with the exception of a few random days (OMG TORII HUNTER!!!), is boring. There’s not a lot to talk about and it’s rough to come up with material. So I was going to wait.

Plus, the team got swept in the World Series. After Miguel Cabrera’s strikeout to end it, the last thing I wanted to do was think or write about baseball for a while.

But one man and his ridiculous column about why the Tigers lost the Series changed all that. His work annoyed me so much that I started making plans to return much earlier. And this site is the result.

His name is Mitch Albom and he is the worst. No, it’s not the embarrassing bit he wrote about the MVP debate that got him mocked by countless sites around the internet. But it’s almost as bad. I’ve held on to this one for a while to see if it still annoyed me as much weeks later as when I first read it. It does. Even more so.

You see, the Tigers lost because they didn’t jump around before games like Hunter Pence did. So sez Albom.

I sez he is a thoughtless hack.